in this good mood,
it would be very nice to write something,
to tell everybody how much pain you gave to me.
firstly, please do understand what is the meaning of tears.
it hurts me when i see my friends crying.
but do you ever feel the same way?
and could you please give my tears back?
or could you please count how many times i cried because of you.
secondly, please do understand what is the meaning of friendship.
much problems i know from all of my friends.
and of course i'll try to help.
but sometimes i wish that i could give more, but i couldn't.
and that makes me feel guilty although i shouldn't feel that.
so you can count on my ears, i'll be your listener,
or be a shoulder for you to cry on.
i am not asking you to repay what i've done for you.
i just want you to stop stabbing my back.
i was able to spend my money,
to skip my classes,
to accompany you when your tears fall,
to spend thousand seconds to be the ears for you to tell your sadness,
to give words for you to stand strong,
to be a friend who cares for your safety when you're not around,
to be a mini clinic when you're sick,
and to pull out my money when my credits is empty because of you..
i don't want your money or your thanks,
i'm just aggrieved of what you've said behind me..
i know that no one is perfect in this world including me of course.
is it fair to ask people to accept you but you can't accept others?
this heart was scraped many times but did i ever tell anyone?
my mouth was set to silent everytime you gave me knives.
and nobody knows.
but why can't you?
as i feel like swimming in the pool of tears (now),
i want you to know that i am a person who really love friends,
i know what is friends,
i've lost my closest friend,
and it is so hard to accept it.
and that's why i always try to be a good friend,
but sometimes my bad behavior peep out.
i admit it.
when i am in this situation,
it is killing me inside,
as i am not strong enough to stand alone,
i pray to Allah to give me a steel heart to stop care about friends who always hurt me.
my family especially my mum always be the miraculous support system when i fall..
i'm sorry i couldn't be a good friend.
but you waste my tears so much and i couldn't hold it.
i've never met a friend like you before.
the wounds in my heart keep telling me to stop crying and be strong.
sometimes i think that crying can cure,
but actually crying can't do anything..
someone says,
"Sometimes it sucks being strong. because when people know that you are strong, they think that it is okay to hurt you over and over again."
"Don't trust too much to anyone in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in darkness."
would it be nice if i could tell this in front of you with tears?
or would it be nicer if i could tell this in front of you with anger?
from the every gloomy minutes that i've been through,
i think i should make a move to another path,
a path that was fenced to stave off the word "care".
since you gave me only a sharp sword for all i've done for you,
the word "care" is nothing, and will be erased from my dictionary..
